Friday, January 4, 2008

Solidarity!

Here we are, two whole months into the Writers Guild of America strike and I have yet to receive a big-studio offer to turn this laugh-out-loud, character-driven blog into the next great American sitcom. An absolute travesty, I am sure you would agree.

As I am never one to make excuses, I must come clean as to why it has been so long since our last correspondence. I was on strike. The Mediocre League of Unread Bloggers, of which I am the founding member, is demanding health benefits and a solid 401k. As you probably guessed, no one cares.

So this evening I cross my own picket line in order to bring you, my loyal reader(s), another review. But rather than review my favorite beer – the deliciously hoppy and painfully limited in release Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale – I will enjoy a six-pack of this heavenly nectar and review my favorite album – Tom Waits’ Swordfishtrombones.

Tom Waits – Swordfishtrombones

1 – Underground – Brass and xylophone. If there is a better way to start an album I don’t know what it is.

2 – Shore Leave – Typical Tom Waits spoken-word imagery here. “…shot billiards with a midget until the rain stopped.” Brilliant.

3 – Dave The Butcher – Instrumental featuring The Man Himself on the Hammond B-3 and some other guy on bongos.

4 – Johnsburg, Illinois – Very short little off-key ballad. I find myself torn between a desire for this sad little glimpse of a song to stretch into a complete tale and an impatient urge to skip it all together so I can get on to…

5 – 16 Shells From A Thirty-Ought-Six – The first of the traditional blues-based songs that really make this album so damn good. He’s gonna whittle you into kindlin’.

6 – Town With No Cheer – After the strange little intro Tom tackles the saddest fate to befall any community. The closure of the local pub. I die a little every time I here this song.

7 – In The Neighborhood – A nice little upbeat number to raise your spirits after Town With No Cheer’s somber, sober message. I bet this neighborhood has a pub. The guy on trombone is named Slyde Hyde. That may be the finest trombonist name ever.

Time to flip over the record. I am not one of those hipster vinyl Nazis, but if at all possible, Mr. Waits should be enjoyed in all his raspy, analog glory. Townes Van Zandt as well.

8 – Just Another Sucker On The Vine – An instrumental with a trumpet and Tom on the Harmonium. I don’t know what that is. My guess is a type of organ, but I like to imagine the harmonium as a conjoined quadruplet barber shop quartet.

9 – Frank’s Wild Years – Possibly the only song ever written featuring a Chihuahua with a skin disease. His name was Carlos. If you like this song, you must give Nighthawks at the Diner a listen.

10 – Swordfishtrombone – The album’s namesake deserves at least one back-to-back listen. You will hear something new every time.

11 – Down, Down, Down – Bluesy, rockin’ little number. I can’t believe I just described something as a bluesy, rockin’ little number. I should be beaten vigorously with Dick Clark’s strangely lifelike reanimated corpse.

12 – Soldier’s Things – This a beautiful song that demonstrates Mr. Waits’ uncanny ability to tie seemingly unrelated images into a cohesive, vibrant narrative.

13 – Gin Soaked Boy – My favorite song on my favorite album. One of Tom Waits’ best. One day I will bump into a guy at a bar and cause him to spill his gin and tonic all over his tweed jacket. The gentleman will initially be quite angry but I will defuse the situation by referring to this song. We will share a genuine laugh and become life-long friends. That is my dream.

14 – Trouble’s Braids – Loud but whispered. What are wolf tickets? If anyone knows, please email me.

15 – Rainbirds – An instrumental reminiscent of his first album, Closing Time. A pleasant little piece, but, in my opinion, something else should have closed this album. There it is. My only real gripe with Swordfishtrombones. But that one little nitpick officially pushes this review from the realm of the brown-nosing homage into the respectable arena of the methodical, judicious critique. At least that is how I see it.

Celebration Ale and Swordfishtrombones. One temporary and one timeless. Pick up a sixer of the Celebration and buy, borrow or steal a copy of this album. Enjoy.

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